Sarkar - 3

Ever wondered what Ram Gopal Verma would come up with as a sequel to Sarkar Raj? No? I have. My vision of Sarkar-3 might be vastly different from RGV but rest assured it wont be a disaster like Ramu ki Aag. First and foremost, the movie would be christened Sarkar Maata !!

Aishwarya Rai(Sarkar Maata) has grown old. She has a son from Shanker Nagre whom she fondly calls Kukur Nagre. If you are wondering that Sarkar Raj did not hint at this, well you were fooled. When Shanker was dying, he gave her a boon that she would beget a child. Do not forget that he was Sarkar at that moment, and he can take decisions which are against the system or even against God, in this case.

Cheeku is now in his twenties but is busy rolling his toy car on the floor. Taking inspiration from Baa in Kyunki Saas Bhi..., Shubash Nagre lives on but he has only one dialogue in the movie - 'Mere Vishnu aur Shanker aayenge'.

To make this movie an international hit, Ramu takes a leaf, rather a wand, out of J.K. Rowling's book. The storyline goes like this - In a bid to become immortal, Sarkar Maata wants to own the deathly hallows. Horcruxes sounds like a messy affair so she is content with becoming the vanquisher of Death. After reading the Harry Potter series a number of times, she decides that she has no use for the resurrection stone. Why bring back Shanker Nagre or her Dad? She does not want to share her powers. The invisibility cloak also does not intrigue her. She still thinks that she is Miss World and would like to show off her beautiful body than hide it. Sarkar Maata then sends her goons to London to bribe Potter for the Elder Wand. Potter protests but Kukur Nagre bites him and brings the Elder Wand to Mumbai.

Sarkar Maata is delirious with joy. She jumps around the house, cursing and hexing everyone. However, the poor soul does not realize that the Elder Wand gave its allegiance to Kukur Nagre. With the anxiety of the audience thus roused, the movies enters a cut scene, where Cheeku proclaims himself to be the Dark Lord. When affronted by Sarkar Maata and Kukur, he shoots them with a pistol. Note: A shield charm cannot save you from a muggle's weapon.

When Police comes to arrest Cheeku, he buys them off with his black money. The movie ends with a note that magic is shit compared to technology. Why use an old fashioned wand, Elder whatever, if you can afford a six-round pistol. The star cast rolls in, with a picture of Ramu in the background signaling _|_ to the audience.

Rated uncool: internet lingo

There was a time when proper English was written and appreciated. Now it largely fills newspaper columns. First sms and then internet chats have made it an even funnier language than Big B would have imagined in Namak Halal. Don't confuse me for a purist, I just lament the dissection beyond recognition of a popular language. Have a look.

• roflmao and its derivatives : Did you seriously rolled on the floor and laughed your ass off? Fancy someone actually do that after reading a stupid facebook comment.
  
  
• ma/mah : I find this irritating - 'ma bike/mah college/ ma friends' et cetera. There are better ways of paying tribute your mom. The word is my. Period.
  
  
• eat your letters : Probably the person had nothing to eat so he ate his letters instead. Some examples: intrstd , skul, tok, cmps, 2de, actly/ashley, gn, tc ...

Maybe these words are 'in' and I am too old to appreciate them. Nevertheless everyone, including me, uses short forms in one avatar or the other. (I'm prone to gr8, lol, btw .. ).

The effects should not spill on to your professional life. 'Dear Sir, Can u plz find tym 2 sign ma report' is bound to displease your Professor. It not only reflects on your carelessness but is a sign of lack of respect as well.
Enough said.